you&mecouldwriteabadromance.

Jake was getting a bit pissed off.  He knew something was amiss, but couldn’t quite put his finger on what.  He respected Lexi, a hell of a lot, but for some reason felt jilted.  Jealous maybe? ‘Fuck knows’ he thought to himself as he sat on his bed, with his games console playing to itself in the background.

He sat on his bed toying with the idea that she was selling him a cock and bull story. Just to fob him off the idea with something so radical he would never repeat it to anyone, out of friendship, and would never doubt because it was THAT extreme.  But this was Lexi, he thought to himself.  She couldn’t possibly do that to me right?

Suddenly, his phone lights up and plays the custom tone he had set aside for her. He didn’t want to answer it, but at the same time his curiosity had his goad.

‘Hello?’

Lexi’s voice reverberated around his head like a melody.  All his previous thoughts went out of the window as soon as he heard her voice.  He knew he was smitten by her but all his negative thoughts were squandered in an instant.

‘Hey sweetie, not spoken in a while, are you ok? Sorry if I’m talking fast I’m just at work and got a short break.  I was going to ask if it was ok for me to come see you this Saturday?’

Lexi seemed either nervous, or genuinely rushed.  Paranoia had Jake as it’s bitch right now but he couldn’t pass up an opportunity to be around her and to just enjoy her company.

‘Yeah I’m ok, and sure thing, let’s do it.  It’ll be good times.  Fast food and slow reaction times on the 360 huh!’

Lexi and Jake kept in touch, chatting online and occasionally meeting in town despite the ongoing feud between Sasha and Jake, as they still saw each other at work. Lexi felt a little two-faced at times, always lying to Sasha about how ‘annoying’ Jake was, when really she was starting to like him a lot more than she used to. Then Lexi would go to see Jake and tell him how ‘annoying’ Sasha was when she went on about how ‘annoying’ Jake was when Lexi saw Sasha in college. Lexi became ridden with lies and knew that one day the truth would come out or karma would come bite her in the ass. The whole lying business was making Lexi doubt a possible relationship with Jake. She couldn’t ruin a college friendship for a relationship with a guy she’d known 4 months. She decided to lay off Jake a little, hoping she wasn’t in too deep already. 

Lexi came online that night as usual, after a hectic rehearsal, acting at her local theatre. As usual, Jake was online and eager to talk to her. They chatted small talk for a while and then Jake asked if Lexi was available to meet him in town the next day. Lexi was so busy, she knew she had something on but she couldn’t quite remember. She checked in her filofax and saw ‘Date with Gary’. She decided to lie, again. ‘I..uh..have to work tomorrow, sorry, knew I had something on.’ She typed slowly, hating this lying game. ‘Oh.. okay.’ Jake typed disappointed. Lexi shrugged it off, ‘Maybe another day’ she typed, optimistically. 

The next day Lexi foolishly met Gary at her workplace, in a small cafe in the centre of town. He was a very nice guy, but maybe too nice. He was always grinning and complimenting Lexi which was nice, but she found it all a little too much. They sat together and chatted, getting to know each other.

Jake thought about Lexi all night and all that morning, coming to the conclusion that he should cheer her up by surprising her at work with some flowers. He made his way to her town, paying the crazy bus prices just to see her… with Gary. As Jake made his way over to the cafe he saw them in the window, laughing and Gary holding her hand. He’d seen Gary before on Facebook but never thought it was like this between them. Jake dropped the flowers by the window and quickly walked past hoping to look like just a passerby. Lexi saw the flowers drop in the corner of her eye which made her look out of the window, however she chose to ignore them.

‘What the hell, she could have just said Oh I’m meeting someone!’

Jake laid on his bed, unexplainably fuming at Lexi for lying to him. She had said she was working that day but he had seen in his own eyes, that she was clearly not working.  Not unless her job now entails a caring embrace with the male clientele. He killed some time by just laying there trying to chill to music on his iPod. Opening his eyes several hours later, he realised he had fallen asleep, and awoke to an ichat window notification from Lexi saying ‘hey, how are you?’

Jake bit his tongue, in a proverbial sense, and just replied with ‘I’m fine. How was work?’ Lexi grimaced, expecting this to be asked. “Oh you know, the usual crap”. Jake rolled his eyes, thanking the lord that they weren’t on cam to each other else he’d be given away. He so wanted to just call her out on the Gary situation but didn’t want to annoy her, even if it meant him not being the guy she wants. So he changed the subject. Poorly.

“So that Gary guy seems quite keen on you on Facebook ‚Ķ” he started with, but didn’t know how to follow through without seeming like he knew.  Lexi cottoned on quite quickly. “Yeah, he is, he’s a nice guy ‚Ķ a little bit over the top but nice, I might be seeing him again soon”.  Jake sighed.  She had dropped herself in it.

“I thought you said you haven’t met him in person yet?” Jake inquisitor

Lexi knew she had messed up, and didn’t reply.

Jake sat for a good 5 minutes waiting for an answer.  He caved.

“I saw you with him today, I was going to surprise you at work because you said you were working.  Instead you fobbed me off, you lied to me, and for what? Why lie? You could have just said!”

Lexi’s heart sank.  The last thing she wanted was to upset or get on the wrong side of Jake. He only meant well, and she felt terrible.  Although she wanted to tell Jake how embarrassed this Gary guy made her feel, didn’t.

“It was work.” Lexi typed simply. “He paid me.” Jake sat there confused for a while thinking she was joking. She put on the webcam on iChat to show him she wasn’t. “Look Jake. I’m not a whore. I need you money, I’m in over £1000 debt with my mum.” She explained seriously. “It wasn’t a date with Gary, it was..business.” She sighed, looking embarrassed.

“Look, I feel I can tell you Jake because I love you.” She said too quickly for Jake to understand. “What!?” Jake quizzed. “I feel I can explain this to you because I trust you, I know you’ll understand.” She explained more clearly. “Yeah, yeah i do.” Jake said, taking it all in. “So, you’re a..?” He questioned not wanted to jump to conclusions. “-Only with Gary.” She butted in. “He’s just a guy I know through a friend. Older, yet wealthy. I need the money. I need to pay off my mum and save for university and stuff.” She sighed, looking down, ashamed. She was ashamed.

Ashamed she had to lie, again.

Jake toyed with the idea.  His mind was awash with thoughts ‘what ifs’ and ‘but hows’.  ”Ah to hell with it, I need a change” he signed to himself.  He picked up his phone and scrolled down the contact list till he hit the L’s.  His thumb hovered over a name.  Lexi Spencer.  Sasha’s best friend, and a good friend to him, whom sat for several hours after his breakup and made think less about it as they went on.

“Hey, yeah do you fancy meeting up at all today?”

“In town?”

“Ok.  Sasha?  I don’t care.  You’re my friend too, she doesn’t like it, tough!”

Jake scowled down the phone, not at Lexi but more at the notion that he couldn’t still be friends with people he had met when with Sasha.  She dumped him, why should he be bothered about whom he speaks to in relation to her? His brain spoke to itself as it often did.  An hour later, the bus he had picked to get him to town arrived.  Jake clambered off, into the overcast city centre, and made his way into the shopping centre.  All of a sudden, thoughts about Lexi suddenly started popping into his head.  Previous excursions with her had proven awkward, with Sasha somewhat being overzealous in showing her that Jake and her were an item.  Often going out of her way to show it.  This infuriated Jake as he knew Lexi’s recent goings on concerning her ex hand left her feeling lonely and it just wasn’t cricket.  Now however, the score was different.  No middle party, just each other’s company.  Jake thought to himself realising what an idiot he is to think that maybe something could be there.  He made his way into the nearby shopping centre, to meet her.  When he saw her, all he could think was how much he hadnt noticed how she looked and how pretty she was.  He shrugged it off, concerned at thinking like this so early after the breakup, it wouldn’t be fair to Sasha he thought.  Lexi looked up from her steaming caramel macchiato and smiled.

‘Here goes’ Jake calmly said to himself.

As Jake approached, Lexi laid back in the comfy sofa type chairs in Starbucks, with her caramel coffee combo warming her hands in a ceramic mug. Lexi smiled as he came over and sat on the opposite chair.

“Hey!” She greeted before taking another sip of her beverage which was still way too hot. “How are you doin’?” She asked cheerful, hoping that he didn’t have some tragic sob story worthy of disney to tell her and have something positive to say for a change.

“Nothing much really…” Jake trailed off in a pessimistic manner. Lexi rolled her eyes slightly but not enough for Jake to notice. “You?” He asked glumly, checking his wallet for loose change so he could buy a beverage himself.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Busy and tired, but y’ano. Okay.” She smiled and took another sip before giving up and putting her coffee on the table to cool. It was ironic how Lexi let hot drinks go cold because she couldn’t stand hot liquids down her throat… She worked in Starbucks so this didn’t help at all when it came to the coffee tastings. She was eventually getting used to coffee though, and turned her lips to Caramel Macchiato’s lately… but they were still too hot.

“Back in a mo.” Jake said and nipped off to the counter where he bought himself a Tazo Tea. Lexi didn’t even need to see inside the mug to know that. In fact, even though Lexi and Jake had only known each other around 4 months, they knew quite a lot about each other as they confided in each other a fair bit. Lexi saw this as a sort of ‘adopted brother and sister’ kinda relationship, which was good for her as she was always looking for someone to talk to about her thoughts.

Jake sat back opposite her after customising his tea at the condiment stand for a least 5 minutes, fidding around with milk and wooden stirrers clumsly. Lexi smiled and picked up her drink again, warming her hands cosily around the mug.

“So what brings you to Grimsby?” She asked suspiciously as the whole idea of meeting in town was kind of out of the blue and short notice, not that she minded.

Jake looked up, testing the tea so he didn’t scold himself.  He slurped short and brief, then answered Lexi.  ”Well we are friends right?  I just thought you’d appreciate getting together, having a laugh.  Unabridged, so to speak”.  He suddenly felt a conflict between his mind, and what he spoke.  ’Unabridged’.  ’Shit’ he thought to himself, as he worried she may see that as him wanting to hang out with her without Sasha keeping an eye on him, and take it out of context.

“Oh, well yeah I guess so, I mean with whats happened I can see you want a friend you can talk to.  You’re still a broody bastard, but you’re a friend.  And yeah, unabridged works, less awkward!” She grinned kiddishly at the last sentence.  Jake’s heart skipped, sighing to himself mentally.  The pair finished their drinks and exchanged insults, and compliments as they usually would on their instant messaging sessions when at home.  Visited many shops but oddly spent very little, and more interested in what the other person had to say.  Jake took his phone out and noticed the time.  ”Ah, need to catch the bus at some point in the next 10 minutes, what you unto the rest of the day?”

Lexi looked at him, then her watch, and bit her bottom lip.  Jake observed this, and found himself thinking about the motion a little too much.  He shook his head mentally to get the picture out of it.  He then managed to speak in the time his brain wasn’t thinking ill thoughts of his friend.  ”Mainly, was going to ask if‚” Lexi interrupted.  ”You know what, let’s go to your place for a few hours and abuse your Xbox a bit, haven’t done that for a while and I have nothing else to do, how ‘bout it?”.  Jake, quite perplexed at either Lexi’s ability to read his mind, or just coincidence, or something else, nodded in agreement.  They both got on the bus to his home town, and sat near the window.  Occasionally jibing each other on their taste in music, otherwise just listening to their iPods.  They arrived in town early and walked to Jake’s house, a short distance from the Bus Station.

Lexi wasn’t scared, just worried. Worried she would see Sasha or someone who knew Sasha who would tell on her. The village Jake lived in was the kind of village where everyone knew everyone, so basically she was in danger of been seen with him. Everyone knew about the harsh break up between him and Sasha so seeing him with another girl so soon would be the gossip on everyone’s lips in no time. 

Lexi and Jake finally got back to his place, and she was greeted warmly by everyone in the house, even his dog. They went straight upstairs after saying hello, into his room where they were safe from prying eyes and suspicious minds. Lexi sat on his bed, exhausted after what she called ‘a hike’ from the bus station to his house when really it was only around a mile. Jake sat next to her, feeling more relaxed now they were safe at home. 

“Kinda weird don’t you think?” Lexi blurted out as Jake sat next to her. Jake, looked at her, perplexed.

“Why is it weird?” Jake moved away from her slightly, as if to try not to give the wrong impression.  He was worried he may scare her away, especially with the fact that everyone knew she was Sasha’ best friend. Rumours had a nasty habit of manifesting from the smallest of tales, to almost newspaper worthy scandals. Especially in his village. Lexi looked at him smirking shyly.  ”Well ‚Ķ the last time we were here, Sasha was all over you, and whenever we got on at all, she would be scowling.  It just feels weird, in a good way ‚Ķ to be able to be ourselves!”

Jake heaved a sigh of relief in his head, but physically only managed to murmur a quick breath.  He was glad, he didn’t want to rock the boat too much yet.  He just wanted someone he could talk to and hang out with, a shoulder to lay on, a heart to cater too ‚Ķ ‘wait what am I thinking?’ he thought.  He occupied the time and space of that thought with the idea of how the day will go, and suddenly spoke.

“So yeah, want to do anything? Play anything? You’re my guest, what is your poison!”

Lexi looked at him with an air of glee.  They took the controllers and both had a good several hours fun on various Xbox games taking time out to only get a drink or two.  Then they decided to stop and just chill out and chat. Jake was worried about this, as he couldn’t help but feel as though he ‘preferred’ hanging out with Lexi, than he did Sasha when they were together.  She seemed more in tune with what he sought. ‘Do I actually fancy her?’ he thought. He was scared, and Lexi could see it in his eyes as they lay on the bed looking up at the ceiling, shooting the proverbial shit.

“Hey sweetie, whats wrong?” Lexi asked with concern. Jake looked to his right. There she was, actually concerned, calling him ‘sweetie’.  He knew this phrase was knocked around a lot by her when she was being polite or nice, but just something about it flicked a switch in his head.  ”You ever thought you liked someone, but denied yourself that avenue in life because of things in the way, or complications?”  Lexi looked even more puzzled. She turned on her side and replied. “Kinda, just not really had that much luck in recent weeks as you know to be able to feel like that again”.  It was the most honest answer she could give.  She had an underlying admiration for Jake, she always thought well of him, his approach to everyone and how he always considered other people before him.  But didn’t want to weird him out by saying the wrong thing.  It seemed at this point that both parties had underlying impulses for the other, but were yet to see how far they went, how far the rabbit hole really went, and where they would come out.

“It’s not you, it’s just me, I don’t want a relationship.”

It may as well have been thundering and kicking it down with rain. That’s how Jake felt as he heard those words. Four months of great times just pissed into the wind without a moments thought or recluse. He didn’t know how to react, only with the way he knew how. Tears trekked southward on his face, tracing the burrows of undiluted sadness on his cheeks, and dropping to the cold winter pavement. Sasha looked like she wasn’t even phased, almost as if she wasn’t there, merely running an errand. An emotionless one. “Do I even get a say in the matter?” Jake managed to cough up to his now ex-girlfriend. “Do you even care?” Sasha looked sharply at him, and shrugged her shoulders in a tell-tale ‘I do care but it doesn’t bother me’ manner that he had grown to recognise, which made the rest of what she said seem like complete bull. “I just want to live a little, do university, you’ve done that and I don’t want to drag you back. I want to be able to enjoy myself.”

The words just hit Jake’s psyche like unwanted screeching hits the ear drums. Jake was just lost. He wanted to leave, to go, and to sleep away his gut wrenching pain. But he knew it would take a little time to go away. The pair parted, after a final embrace, one party emphasising their sorrow more than the other evidently.

*

Jake opened his eyes. It was 5 days since the breakup. A new year, a new start.

—-

“It’s just, not working.”

Nate stood slouched in the doorway of Lexi’s bedroom playing with his iPod. At first Lexi thought he was talking about that, actually. ‘His iPod wasn’t working. Oh please say he means his iPod…’ She thought over and over.

“What?!” She asked, her voice quivering slightly as she awaited an answer.

“Us.” He said simply and stood there, numb and emotionless, like he’d practiced this over and over. “I have too much on with college right now to have a girlfriend really.”  Lexi sat down on the edge of her bed, horrified by the reems of excuses reeling from Nate’s mouth. “Besides, all the happy memories we had together, we would have had together as friends so…” She looked up as he trailed off, running out of excuses. With tears pricking her eyes, she took a deep breath in and cried it out as Nate started to turn away to leave.

“No! Nate please! This is just a big mistake!” Lexi begged pulling him into a hug and crying on his shoulder “You’ve had a bad day, you’re just thinking a little rationally.” She said, trying to smile and reassure him. Nate looked down at her pale and numb.

“No, Lexi..” He sighed pushing her away. “I mean it, I can’t do this, I preferred us just as friends.” Lexi shook her head looking down at his shoes. “Why?” She looked up tearfully thinking she had done or said something to him, trying to work out what went wrong.

“No, it’s not you, look I just, don’t want a girlfriend right now..” Nate said putting the straps on his backpack further up his shoulders ready to leave. The thought of him leaving like this made Lexi physically sick.

“Please, don’t leave, we can work this out, we can..” Lexi trailed off as she looked into his eyes knowing nothing she was saying was working because he had already made his decision. It was too late.

“Lexi, I’m gonna go..” Nate said and turned away. Lexi cried into her mattress as she sat back on the bed. “I’m leaving, goodbye Lexi..” He said and exited her bedroom.

*

Lexi awakened from a deep sleep. It was 5 days into the new year and nothing had changed. She was still constantly thinking about Nate and how lonely she was now he was gone. She still laid in bed until 11 on her days off. She still had no motivation to write what so ever. She still sat on facebook and twitter all day and all night. In fact, nothing had changed much at all in this brand new decade… or so she thought.